JOKES

• Little Johnny’s teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

  Little Johnny says, “De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail.”

• Little Johnny asks, “Mommy, where do babies come from?”

  His mother replies, “The stork brings them.”

  Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, “Then who fucks the stork?”

  

• Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

  “No,” says his mom, “Of course not.”

  After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, “It’s OK, we can keep playing!”

• Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school. When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, “Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter.” Johnny started laughing. An hour later he forgot her name and said, “Your name has an r after the first letter — is it Ms. Crunt?”
• Q: Why did the blonde become a big basketball fan?

  A: Because every time they stopped the clock, she thought that she had stopped aging.

• Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?

  A: A wind tunnel.

• Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

  She missed.

• Doctor: I have good news and bad news.

  Patient: Go with the good news first.

  Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.

  Patient: What!?! How about the bad news?

  Doctor: Um… I forgot to tell you yesterday.

• He has the disease of alcoholism. And he came to me… and he told me, and I’m the kind of guy that likes to look at the bright side of things. So I told him, I said, ‘Richie, it’s true that you have a disease and everything, but I think you got the best one.’
• Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen?

  A: To draw blood.

• Mike Tyson finally apologized to Holyfield for biting off his ear.

  He said, “Believe it or not, I have learned many things about how to behave in society while I was in jail. So I would like to apologize to Mr. Holyfield for biting his ear in such a beastly way. Next time I promise to use a knife and fork.”

• A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.

  “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest steak,” says the husband.

  “But sir, what about the mad cow?” asks the waiter.

  “Oh,” says the husband, “she’ll order for herself.”